When I woke up around 7am on Wednesday, August 15th, my Ob was there to check on me. She told me how much she respected my resolve to deliver naturally, and assured me that I had done EVERYTHING I could have given the circumstances. She encouraged me not to feel like I had failed, and reminded me that I narrowly avoided a C-section. One of my other Obs was about to come on shift, so she said goodbye and I waited for my other Ob to come in. We had been in labor so long that we had seen 4 shifts of nurses, and I reflected on the help I received from each nurse, my wonderful husband, my amazing friend Sarah (who arrived at 11am on Tuesday, left at 2am Wednesday, and spent the whole time in between serving as a doula just because she loves me). I reflected on all of the events of the last 30+ hours, on how much I wanted to deliver naturally, everything we did to meet that goal, and how hard I had prayed for God to help me through the pain. Amazingly, I didn’t feel disappointed in myself, and I didn’t feel ashamed of having gotten the epidural, and I wasn't angry at God for not making it easy. I honestly believe that we did everything we could, and needed the epidural in the end. God chose to allow modern medicine to be my answer this time, and I trust in His sovereignty. I wish things could have been different, but I did what I had to do to ensure that my son and I were healthy.
When the other Ob got there to check me out, she excitedly told me that I was fully dilated and the baby was in +3 station (considerably below the pelvic bone). She was even more excited than I was after hearing all of the details of my difficult labor. She asked if I felt like pushing, and I didn’t, so she said she’d check back in a few hours unless I wanted to push before that. My new nurse was amazing, and spent a lot of time with us and began preparing for the baby’s arrival. It was exciting to see her putting out the sheets and gowns, getting the room and us ready to see the baby. I didn’t last an hour before I felt like I needed to push, so we did a practice push and the baby moved a lot! She had me stop and called for the doctor because the baby was going to come fast! When the Ob got there, she told me I’d have a baby in my hands in less than an hour, and we started to push.
I wanted to see everything, so I had them station a mirror so that I could see my progress. Poncho helped me lift my upper body, and after one set of pushes, I could see a little bit of my son’s dark hair over the cord of the blood pressure monitor on my son’s head. Despite the epidural, I could feel the contractions coming on, and knew when to push even before the monitors detected the contractions. They became a little painful, but nothing like what I had experienced the night before. The pain intensified as the baby started to crown, and I had to bear it and breathe through a few contractions once he crowned. Once I began to push again, my son’s whole head popped out and I watched in awe as my son turned his body so that his shoulders could come out, and the rest of his body slid out very quickly after that. Poncho got to catch him, and I got to spend a glorious 90 minutes with him on my chest directly after he was born. He was absolutely perfect, and amazingly unaffected by the trauma I went through the night before. His heart rate never wavered, and he was never in distress of any kind. He was just waiting for mommy to get it together and push him out! I was once again full of hormones, but these were endorphins and I felt amazing as I proceeded to talk to my son, his daddy, and everyone else in the room like I hadn’t just given birth after a 40+ hour long labor process.
Evidently the entire nurses station had been talking about how long I held out, and when we transferred to post-partum later that day, many of the other patient’s nurses had heard my story and came to congratulate us and admire our son.
My midwives and Obs told me AFTER my son was born that they knew it was going to be a difficult, long delivery when I ruptured so early, and that when they realized I was having back labor the whole time, they couldn’t believe I didn’t take an epidural early in the day. One of them said that they have never seen someone in my situation hold out so long. That made me feel pretty good – no one can say I took the easy way out, or gave in quickly. I allowed intervention when it was truly necessary.
Each person’s labor story is different, and I honestly hope no one else has to fight through what I did. Some will say that I should have taken the epidural much earlier. Some will say that I didn’t try hard enough to deliver naturally. Let them say what they will! I did what I felt I needed to do, and I encourage you to do the same. God willing, your story won’t include the kind of pain my did. But, because I knew my options I made the choices necessary without being forced into anything. I have no regrets, and feel no shame despite the fact that stupid Murphy and his law showed up in force when my son was born.
Despite the difficulty of my labor experience, my faith and hope in the One is strengthened and renewed. He was with me every step of the way, even though He didn't intervene like I would have liked. He kept us safe, gave my husband strength to do what was necessary, and has given us the greatest gift of all - His beautiful baby whom we are to lovingly instruct. My God did not leave me or forsake me. He hid me under the shelter of His wing, and through my pain taught me of His own. He allowed me to lean on Him, counted my tears, and sheltered my son so that he was healthy and strong when he was born. Thanks be to Him that we are both healthy, and we are together at last.
No comments:
Post a Comment